LifeTwinkles

Central Park 2005- Christo & Jeanne-Claude

In 2005, artists by the names of Christo and Jeanne-Claude installed a series of 7500 saffron colored gates for no other reason than to bring to life a beautiful vision that they claim to have had since 1979 (incidentally, the year I was born). For them is was an installation of beauty alone. . . no bigger meaning, which made me love it even more!!!!!!! When I first caught glimpse of it on the Today show, I longed to see them. . . to walk under them. . . touch them. . .. draw them. . . . I would have bought a plane ticket for a day trip if that had been the only thing I had gotten to see in the whole NYC. But alas. .. . it was 2005. I had a husband and a 3 year old and a day trip to Central Park was neither in out budget nor our master plan. I never saw The Gates in real life.

Today, I sat at work in a semi-stupor from residual codeine and the mass of funk that has invaded my head and chest and I thought of The Gates. Those big beautiful orange gates with fabric flowing in the breeze. I could not have concocted a more fanciful vision in my own dreams. Thinking of how closely this matched some of the imaginary places in my head, I drifted to other dreams that I’ve had. . . .

I remember a time that I wanted to be a music teacher. I remember imagining how lovely it would be sharing such a gift with children. . .. all day, everyday. . . and that actually being my job. Once again, though, that dream was not in my cards. I was discouraged away from that particular profession with what seemed to be wise advice from my elders. So, I sought something more stable and in demand.

I’ve had the habit over the years of keeping what I call the house books. Really it was just a coping strategy to deal with the magazine obsession that I have. I simply would cut out what I loved and tape it in the book. For a long while, I kept them to myself. My dreams. . . . all combined in one book, all for me. Then I let my mama see. . them my Aunt Ruthie. . . then people at work. . .. Strangely, people loved them. Frankly, I understand why. . . it is like the best magazine you have ever looked at. . .Lately, I have been looking at my house books. I realize that I haven’t really carried out any of the ideas there as I wished.

Today, I realized, as I thought about The Gates, that most of my dreams have been fleeting. . . but perhaps I haven’t noticed until now. Thankfully, my life hasn’t turned out badly at all. I’m independent, I have a job with security, I have a beautiful child, a roof over my head. . … and as I came face-to-face with today; I am not standing in front of the Wal-mart with a sign that says “will work for food.” In the grand scheme of things, I have it damn good.

But. .. . those dreams. . . . I am left unsatisfied.. . .

And now I have another dream standing right in front of me. . . . but just out of reach. My new “Gates.” So many obstacles. I couldn’t have imagined that such a dream was even actual, but it is. As with all the other dreams I can see myself right in the middle of it. .. . everything working out beautifully. But in reality, I’m sitting on my couch tip tapping away, not even knowing where to start to make it happen.