LifeTwinkles

Let me just start by saying that before this evening I was 88.59% sure that At&T had a personal conspiracy in regard to me. . . . . .

For starters, I predict that in February 2009 (approximately 60 before I am eligible for an upgrade at a discount price), a little AT&T elf will hit the kill switch on my beloved and thoroughly used Crackberry.  This is a near certainty.

Another obvious transgression of this mogul phone company includes their whole customer service hooha.  Lets just suppose a valuable customer who almost always pays their bill on time has a question about their cellular device and calls customer service for a quick answer. . . . I’d bet a million this is how it would go.  A man of some origin other than an English-speaking one will answer and ask you for your cellular number even though you have put entered it at least twice before speaking to him. . . as you finally are able to ask your question he asks if you are calling from the number that you are asking about.  Of course I am.  Oh. . . . well he can’t help you while you are calling from that number you must call from another line.  You play along and call back.  This time you get another representative, English speaking this time, who informs you that they are unsure why another representative would have said that I needed to call from another line to address this issue.  Whatever.

You know. . . . maybe it’s not just me that those kind of things happen to, it just feels personal and adds to my daily stress.  Seriously, its enough to drive a stable person to the edge. . . perhaps in the 1400 questions they ask you while they are running a credit check so that you may acquire the phone they should make a little footnote on mental health first impressions so as not to push you too far.  Actually, on second thought, maybe they do.
After this evening I am 93.65% sure that AT&T is screwing with me. . . . I will write in script form so you may follow easily.

9:28 PM- Phone ringing- Unknown Caller (UC)

ME: Hello. . . . . . . . Hello???

UC: I think you have the wrong number.

ME: You called me.

UC: No i didnt.

ME: Yes you did, it says unknown caller. Do you have my number on your phone?

UC: Yes is said 85931906. . . when it was ringing. Who is this?ME:  Who is this?

UC: Joseph Foley.  Who is this?

ME: Scarlet.

UC: Scarlet, why did you call me?

ME: I didn’t. . . . Whatever.You know, maybe you just dialed the wrong number.  Perhaps you were just one number off.  My ex husbands number is 8593190652.

UC: You are single?

ME: (Slightly laughing) I guess I am.

UC: Really?

ME: Yeah, but you sound a little young.

UC: I’m 20.  How old are you?

ME: 25

UC: Where do you live?  I live in Parksville.

ME: I live kind of close to Parksville.  Maybe you know my little brother, Elijah.

UC: He went to Boyle County?

ME: Yes.

UC: I do know him.  Well Scarlet, I’m gonna let you go. . . nice to meet you.

9:38 PM- Phone ringing- Unknown Caller (UC)

ME: Helllllooooo.

UC (female): Hello. This is the lab calling. Your pregnancy test is positive and you have chlamydia. And you maybe should consider Nairing your nether regions as we detected some little critters.

ME: (hysterically laughing)

UC (original male caller): Hey. . . we got you by a fluke a minute ago but thought you were fun to talk to so we thought we would start prank calling people and started with you. We really appreciate your laughing and thinking its funny and not getting mad at us.

ME: (giggling uncontrollably)

UC: Do you think we are good enough for the Bob and Tom Show?

ME: Of course.

UC: Great. Well of course we cant really identify ourselves we would like to call you again sometime to see if we are funny. Would that be ok?

ME: Well. . . it will be OK or it wont?

UC: That sounds about right. Good night.

ME: Good night.

So. . . . now we know what those jacklegs out at AT&T do after 9 o’clock.   They harass good citizens like myself.  They try to make me crazy. . . .but I know thier game.  They can’t fool me.  Don’t let them get you.

Here I am. . . 25 (or 29ish). . .divorced from one great love. . . . permanently attached to my sweetest love. . . . as close as ever to handful more but left wanting more from them and direly separated from my newest. . . . writing you down. . . .stuck in a mecca of delightful mediocrity. . . .restless to discover more, defining my path with intuition. . . trying to make my world in line with my internal vision. . . . becoming self-reliant. . . learning to appreciate my uniqueness and personal values. . . searching for the most beautiful path to reach my dreams. . . thinking that the outcome is less important than ever. . . on a mission for truth. . . trying to see what other people see, empathizing me. . . . sifting my finds to see if they have potential to define or refine my path. . . . using my sense of wonder and treasured rose colored glasses to pinpoint joy. . . simplifying. . . relishing kindness and gentleness. . . delighting in humor. . . . working on pushing out the aggressiveness that I feel and instead facilitating persistence and loyalty to encourage other. . . . seeking to to get things done in my own way. . . wanting to be social and charming and loved. . . intensely loving a special few. . . caring deeply for 2 handfuls more. . . remembering to tell them all. . . .seeking a bond between my body and mind as well as my emotions and intellect. . . . committing to good. . . creating. . . . taking deliberate liberties. . . . still being fearful that my current happiness may have to be paid for with later sacrifices. . . forgiving. . . .apologizing. . . . wondering. . . .piling up possibilites. . . hurting . .. living..

In the very recent past a Darling Friend ask ME for some dating advice. . .

Her quandry was that she is in a relationship.. . . . ahem, “situation”, , , in which she has been dating a guy for 2 months and has recieved no action.   Call me what you want but this situation is not one that I have run into of late.  She asked what she might subtly do to insinuate she was ready for thier “situation” to hop up to the next level physically.   As she is not as direct as I often am, I offered to her the old stand by “movie night.”

As luck would have it, the next day the opportunity presented itself in a phone call from her beau.  He invited her over to his house to watch a movie.  She went charmingly dressed in a low-cut, yet classy top, shaved her legs, and took the advice of what every dating article suggests. . . . .she looked her very best.

Well. . . .it turns out that movie night was just that. . . . movie night.  In addition to their film viewing and pizza (deliberately delivered as to not leave the house) there is nothing that happened worth noting.  In fact, it turns out that they sat, like a gushing river between them, on seperate couches.  The lady left around 10 o’clock.  Peck on the lips.

Now.. .through a very non-scietific poll of both males and females in a variety of environments and across all age groups, I have found that this old stand by may not have been what I thought.  It turns out the that the male persuasion, or a vast majority of them, are unaware that Movie Night at your place or mine is code for nothing short of making out, usually a double play, or, in some situations, full on willingness to oblige in any activity you’d like, except for watching the movie. Or as my friend pointed out it is no way code for anal sex.

So, dear readers. . . . you should note that I said this was the opinion of male participants in my survey.  Not one female questioned on the matter hesitated in saying that they had a full understanding of the code.. .. and a vast majority of them have been operating under the assumption of the code since approximately 9th grade.

Do what you will with this information, but the next time someone invties you over for a movie at their place, remember to shave your legs.