LifeTwinkles

Central Park 2005- Christo & Jeanne-Claude

In 2005, artists by the names of Christo and Jeanne-Claude installed a series of 7500 saffron colored gates for no other reason than to bring to life a beautiful vision that they claim to have had since 1979 (incidentally, the year I was born). For them is was an installation of beauty alone. . . no bigger meaning, which made me love it even more!!!!!!! When I first caught glimpse of it on the Today show, I longed to see them. . . to walk under them. . . touch them. . .. draw them. . . . I would have bought a plane ticket for a day trip if that had been the only thing I had gotten to see in the whole NYC. But alas. .. . it was 2005. I had a husband and a 3 year old and a day trip to Central Park was neither in out budget nor our master plan. I never saw The Gates in real life.

Today, I sat at work in a semi-stupor from residual codeine and the mass of funk that has invaded my head and chest and I thought of The Gates. Those big beautiful orange gates with fabric flowing in the breeze. I could not have concocted a more fanciful vision in my own dreams. Thinking of how closely this matched some of the imaginary places in my head, I drifted to other dreams that I’ve had. . . .

I remember a time that I wanted to be a music teacher. I remember imagining how lovely it would be sharing such a gift with children. . .. all day, everyday. . . and that actually being my job. Once again, though, that dream was not in my cards. I was discouraged away from that particular profession with what seemed to be wise advice from my elders. So, I sought something more stable and in demand.

I’ve had the habit over the years of keeping what I call the house books. Really it was just a coping strategy to deal with the magazine obsession that I have. I simply would cut out what I loved and tape it in the book. For a long while, I kept them to myself. My dreams. . . . all combined in one book, all for me. Then I let my mama see. . them my Aunt Ruthie. . . then people at work. . .. Strangely, people loved them. Frankly, I understand why. . . it is like the best magazine you have ever looked at. . .Lately, I have been looking at my house books. I realize that I haven’t really carried out any of the ideas there as I wished.

Today, I realized, as I thought about The Gates, that most of my dreams have been fleeting. . . but perhaps I haven’t noticed until now. Thankfully, my life hasn’t turned out badly at all. I’m independent, I have a job with security, I have a beautiful child, a roof over my head. . … and as I came face-to-face with today; I am not standing in front of the Wal-mart with a sign that says “will work for food.” In the grand scheme of things, I have it damn good.

But. .. . those dreams. . . . I am left unsatisfied.. . .

And now I have another dream standing right in front of me. . . . but just out of reach. My new “Gates.” So many obstacles. I couldn’t have imagined that such a dream was even actual, but it is. As with all the other dreams I can see myself right in the middle of it. .. . everything working out beautifully. But in reality, I’m sitting on my couch tip tapping away, not even knowing where to start to make it happen.

Let me just start by saying that before this evening I was 88.59% sure that At&T had a personal conspiracy in regard to me. . . . . .

For starters, I predict that in February 2009 (approximately 60 before I am eligible for an upgrade at a discount price), a little AT&T elf will hit the kill switch on my beloved and thoroughly used Crackberry.  This is a near certainty.

Another obvious transgression of this mogul phone company includes their whole customer service hooha.  Lets just suppose a valuable customer who almost always pays their bill on time has a question about their cellular device and calls customer service for a quick answer. . . . I’d bet a million this is how it would go.  A man of some origin other than an English-speaking one will answer and ask you for your cellular number even though you have put entered it at least twice before speaking to him. . . as you finally are able to ask your question he asks if you are calling from the number that you are asking about.  Of course I am.  Oh. . . . well he can’t help you while you are calling from that number you must call from another line.  You play along and call back.  This time you get another representative, English speaking this time, who informs you that they are unsure why another representative would have said that I needed to call from another line to address this issue.  Whatever.

You know. . . . maybe it’s not just me that those kind of things happen to, it just feels personal and adds to my daily stress.  Seriously, its enough to drive a stable person to the edge. . . perhaps in the 1400 questions they ask you while they are running a credit check so that you may acquire the phone they should make a little footnote on mental health first impressions so as not to push you too far.  Actually, on second thought, maybe they do.
After this evening I am 93.65% sure that AT&T is screwing with me. . . . I will write in script form so you may follow easily.

9:28 PM- Phone ringing- Unknown Caller (UC)

ME: Hello. . . . . . . . Hello???

UC: I think you have the wrong number.

ME: You called me.

UC: No i didnt.

ME: Yes you did, it says unknown caller. Do you have my number on your phone?

UC: Yes is said 85931906. . . when it was ringing. Who is this?ME:  Who is this?

UC: Joseph Foley.  Who is this?

ME: Scarlet.

UC: Scarlet, why did you call me?

ME: I didn’t. . . . Whatever.You know, maybe you just dialed the wrong number.  Perhaps you were just one number off.  My ex husbands number is 8593190652.

UC: You are single?

ME: (Slightly laughing) I guess I am.

UC: Really?

ME: Yeah, but you sound a little young.

UC: I’m 20.  How old are you?

ME: 25

UC: Where do you live?  I live in Parksville.

ME: I live kind of close to Parksville.  Maybe you know my little brother, Elijah.

UC: He went to Boyle County?

ME: Yes.

UC: I do know him.  Well Scarlet, I’m gonna let you go. . . nice to meet you.

9:38 PM- Phone ringing- Unknown Caller (UC)

ME: Helllllooooo.

UC (female): Hello. This is the lab calling. Your pregnancy test is positive and you have chlamydia. And you maybe should consider Nairing your nether regions as we detected some little critters.

ME: (hysterically laughing)

UC (original male caller): Hey. . . we got you by a fluke a minute ago but thought you were fun to talk to so we thought we would start prank calling people and started with you. We really appreciate your laughing and thinking its funny and not getting mad at us.

ME: (giggling uncontrollably)

UC: Do you think we are good enough for the Bob and Tom Show?

ME: Of course.

UC: Great. Well of course we cant really identify ourselves we would like to call you again sometime to see if we are funny. Would that be ok?

ME: Well. . . it will be OK or it wont?

UC: That sounds about right. Good night.

ME: Good night.

So. . . . now we know what those jacklegs out at AT&T do after 9 o’clock.   They harass good citizens like myself.  They try to make me crazy. . . .but I know thier game.  They can’t fool me.  Don’t let them get you.

Here I am. . . 25 (or 29ish). . .divorced from one great love. . . . permanently attached to my sweetest love. . . . as close as ever to handful more but left wanting more from them and direly separated from my newest. . . . writing you down. . . .stuck in a mecca of delightful mediocrity. . . .restless to discover more, defining my path with intuition. . . trying to make my world in line with my internal vision. . . . becoming self-reliant. . . learning to appreciate my uniqueness and personal values. . . searching for the most beautiful path to reach my dreams. . . thinking that the outcome is less important than ever. . . on a mission for truth. . . trying to see what other people see, empathizing me. . . . sifting my finds to see if they have potential to define or refine my path. . . . using my sense of wonder and treasured rose colored glasses to pinpoint joy. . . simplifying. . . relishing kindness and gentleness. . . delighting in humor. . . . working on pushing out the aggressiveness that I feel and instead facilitating persistence and loyalty to encourage other. . . . seeking to to get things done in my own way. . . wanting to be social and charming and loved. . . intensely loving a special few. . . caring deeply for 2 handfuls more. . . remembering to tell them all. . . .seeking a bond between my body and mind as well as my emotions and intellect. . . . committing to good. . . creating. . . . taking deliberate liberties. . . . still being fearful that my current happiness may have to be paid for with later sacrifices. . . forgiving. . . .apologizing. . . . wondering. . . .piling up possibilites. . . hurting . .. living..

In the very recent past a Darling Friend ask ME for some dating advice. . .

Her quandry was that she is in a relationship.. . . . ahem, “situation”, , , in which she has been dating a guy for 2 months and has recieved no action.   Call me what you want but this situation is not one that I have run into of late.  She asked what she might subtly do to insinuate she was ready for thier “situation” to hop up to the next level physically.   As she is not as direct as I often am, I offered to her the old stand by “movie night.”

As luck would have it, the next day the opportunity presented itself in a phone call from her beau.  He invited her over to his house to watch a movie.  She went charmingly dressed in a low-cut, yet classy top, shaved her legs, and took the advice of what every dating article suggests. . . . .she looked her very best.

Well. . . .it turns out that movie night was just that. . . . movie night.  In addition to their film viewing and pizza (deliberately delivered as to not leave the house) there is nothing that happened worth noting.  In fact, it turns out that they sat, like a gushing river between them, on seperate couches.  The lady left around 10 o’clock.  Peck on the lips.

Now.. .through a very non-scietific poll of both males and females in a variety of environments and across all age groups, I have found that this old stand by may not have been what I thought.  It turns out the that the male persuasion, or a vast majority of them, are unaware that Movie Night at your place or mine is code for nothing short of making out, usually a double play, or, in some situations, full on willingness to oblige in any activity you’d like, except for watching the movie. Or as my friend pointed out it is no way code for anal sex.

So, dear readers. . . . you should note that I said this was the opinion of male participants in my survey.  Not one female questioned on the matter hesitated in saying that they had a full understanding of the code.. .. and a vast majority of them have been operating under the assumption of the code since approximately 9th grade.

Do what you will with this information, but the next time someone invties you over for a movie at their place, remember to shave your legs.

Oh Andrea. . . She is quite the thinker. . .

In the late Tuesday afternoon, she ached for a snack to ease to her emotional pain. . . she ventured down to the low-functioning vending machine and inserted her 55 cents. . . when it appeared that the snack was lodged between the coils she waltzed on down to the Sheriff’s office in search of a man to lend a hand, but of course, none were available for the job. . . so she took matters into her own hands; she banged on and shook the beast of a machine. . . . finally, her bag of Zoo Animal Crackers made their descent to the the tray below.

As she sat with me and chatted and enjoyed her animals crackers she found a surprising owl and a platypus. . . .strange we each thought. However, it was her next discovery that made her think of a master plan for future transgressions of man.  She found an ass. . . .. probably an elephant ass. . . point being, animal cracker, no head attached.

She pondered for a moment. “The next time someone does something I don’t like, I’m gonna buy them some animal crackers.”

“Really?” I asked.  “That seems like a nice thing to do.”

“Well,” she continued, “I’m gonna break off all the heads and give them only a bag of ass.”

“I like it.”

As it often goes, a good idea only gets better.. . . I suggested that instead of breaking the animal crackers that one should bite the heads off (and enjoy the snack) and go ahead and lick it before putting in back in the bag.  We both agreed that this should be a silent attack. . .. Just hand over the bag and hope they eventually notice and take notice of the asses they have been eating.  Ha!

Feel free to use this genius idea for your own enjoyment and please let us know if you come up with any additions to make it a grander scheme.

This is just a test post… This can be deleted once a real post is made…  There are also a few things that need to be done – notably:

• Get your own theme setup – suggest we just start with something that is available for download but if you want do your own thing that is fine too.  We can look at this over the weekend sometime.
• Need to do some minor configuring – like is it Life Twinkles, Lifetwinkles, or LifeTwinkles?  What about sub-title?
• Continue with that, blogroll links?  What about categories?
• Anyone else posting ability on the blog (setting you up dear Scarlet  – temp as Scarlet – but can change that if you want to something else – though I personally think Scarlet is a sexy posting name)
• Make an about page for the blog/writer
• Note to Ray – Google Ads (?)
• The follow is a test of photo directory on image upload – as wiped my photos on my blog by a mistaken link

test of pic